hmmm.
where to even begin.
so, i'm working on a plan for the end of the year...like where to go, what to do, who to see. it's super stressful not knowing if something good is going to happen with the job market here...like i don't want to make all these plans to go elsewhere and have a super awesome job want me. [like the chances of that even happening are even fair]

buttttt, i think i've convinced Casey to go to New York and chase his dreams...if he does it, i'll be super happy for him, but i'll miss him so much.

we'll live.

and i'm probably going to move to Tampa or something...something in sunny Florida. where summer lasts all year, and it hardly ever freezes. and you can see the bottom of the ocean. -in other words, no jelly fish.

we'll see. all in time.
i feel good about this though.
as long as i can get through the next few months.

i break down in break downs.

it's really annoying that my job thinks that i have nothing better to do than call them every few hours to see if i'm working...and then wait until mid day to tell me to forget about it. assholes.

i feel stupid.
i should have taken the stupid job.

and now. i mean i can pay my bills through september...and then what.

i hate money. just hate it.

but, i have to figure this out. i got myself in, and i'll be getting myself out....soon enough.

so.

i had an interview today at a day care...i think it went well, but the lady did say she's had a lot of responses to the job add, hopefully they'll call. i think it's so hard to get a job here, because it's so competitive right now. fingers crossed. i mean the whole search has been looking up because i'm at least going on interviews...this is a good sign. but this one, i reaaaaaaallllllllly want it, like really want it. i'm sure the money's not great, and it'll be hectic, but working with little tiny kids is just so much fun.

harry potter is my obsession lately. along with pilates, and organizing. random. and net flix, ah net flix.

i have to go to that miserable hospital tomorrow...and for the next five work days. i hope it's a good week, i hope nothing shady goes down. one can only hope. it's sorta sad that place, no one there is happy...at least not for now.

i find it funny, because at first i was freaking out when this happened...like uhhhhh, what am i going to do now? but being away from there makes me realize how much i really don't like it. having to constantly watch everything you say or do...for no reason. i feel much more sane being at home worrying about money.

oh my.

but, everything is going to work out. i just know it. and, not to mention, with all this happening it leaves so many options open for the end of the year...where to go, what to do.

it's pretty exciting!

and it helps that every weekend someone is either coming or going, or there is reason to celebrate. takes my mind off the fact that all this shit is going down. i'm blessed.

because I have more time right now, I am free to do whatever I want. I miss days like this, about a year ago...if only the bills would stop rolling in, I could live my life like this forever.

not working leaves more time for cooking, reading, and catching up on things that I actually want to do...today I have some sort of interview-ish thing at a day care, a job that I will inevitably love. that is the best kind of work, something you don't mind doing no matter what they pay you. as long as I can get by.

oh, what will the day bring? I'm super excited for October, all these great festivals will be going on, and last year I had to work every single weekend, so didn't get to do any of that fun stuff. my oh my.

I've been thinking about the last four months a lot. and where to go when we get out of here. it's pretty exciting. so many options. I don't have my head set on just any one place, and the idea of getting further away from my family is something that really holds me back. I don't know though, the options are open.....

for now.

things are going to work out. I can just feel it.

we are exactly where we are supposed to be. these things were meant to happen. it's frustrating to not be able to see the whole puzzle, rather one little piece at a time, but it's all happening for one reason or another.

and i believe in myself.

we like to stay up all night.
and sleep all day.
and drink $5 forty's.
and run wild.
wild.


pizza, karaoke, darts, basketball...
weird things, that seem so normal.

i guess that is just how we fit.