i was thanked for my work three times today.

that place is not so bad.

weird weather.
the cold makes me sleepy.
and love candles.

who am i kidding. i always love candles.

laundry and dishes.
a trip to goodwill, and maybe the art supply store.
spending time by myself is not always too bad.

my bed will be made and my closet will be cleaned...
it seems like it should be sunday.

i have good books to read, and something to knit....
Autumn's baby is almost here.

i want to make something though...
food maybe?

phone calls...
bills.
and a long walk. [my shins still hurt]

it's funny how i almost get excited to schedule payments for my credit cards. it feels like such a big acomplishment to see the balance go down. i'm a complete nerd.

i'm learning that i can't hold myself acountable for absolutely everything. we all get sucked in and make poor choices. i guess this is what living is all about. all we can do is take the good with the bad, even if that means there is more bad.

i don't think it's fair, and i don't find these thoughts entertaining.
it's a process though, one i'm hoping to master.

and i realize that i don't deserve everything that's happened to me, all the while i can take responsibility for my actions. i need soap in my mouth.

the people who are in my life are there because they want to be there, which is comforting. and those who aren't chose to do whatever it is they're otherwise doing...they made no effort. and it's okay. i assume that i never really was that important to them.

most hideous day.
this guy i know's girlfriend found out he was sending me sext messages.
wild.

and my job is breaking me.
i don't want to end up like those people i work with.
they are miserable..and too serious. and they don't smile enough.

it seems like every job i've had in Georgia has gone straight into the ground. and i don't get it, because at home my bosses loooooooooooooovvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeed me. like to the point where they beg me to move back, and we're obviously life long friends. and here...i don't know what to do here....

life.
it's always something.

textsfromlastnight.com is my new favorite web site.

loves it.

my head hurts. again.
i wanted to make eggs, but the frying pan is dirty.
it's always dirty.

and the barking dogs.
the band practice down stairs.

enough.

my mom loved her mothers day gift. which i'm glad about, because i love her...but i'm pretty sure i don't act like it hardly ever. well maybe i do, i'm not sure.

camping soon.
and summer is finally here.
i can't wait to go love the beach once i get off these antibiotics.
and for trips home.
cousins.
kids.
my dog.

this year keeps getting better and better.

i want to stand where the sun meets the Earth.

i'm not sure what i'm looking for.

i have strep throat...

i mean really, 'cause it doesn't even hurt. my tonsils are beyond huge though, and it's annoying that i'll be 'contagious' until tomorrow evening, but what can you do.

every now and then i become extremely, un-necessarily messy...i'm almost sure its these hormones...hot mess. something shifted in me, changed and i can't understand what.

lately i've been in a weird mood.
and i've discovered the meaning of life.
it's bright and shinny.

not so much the meaning, but life in general.
like this is it.
i feel like i've just been waiting for summer to be over...but day in and day out, this is it...this is all. that's why i'm changing myself...making the most of everything, letting go of shitty people.

it's time to really follow your heart.
no test to study for, no semester to start over, no parents to plan it all out.

weird.

it's hitting me like an ocean all of a sudden.
i sort of don't like it.
sorta want to make it stop.

i'm not sure if i'm ready for adult hood, even though i'm living it. i'd like to freeze time...like five years ago. because i woke up one day and realized that things are never going to be like that again. friendships are never going to be like that. it's never going to be as easy.

but you can't undo time. it's sorta bitter sweet.

and maybe thats why twenty-something-people find it necessary to pretend they're still in high school, living out the drama of the he-said-she-said bullshit....maybe that's how they justify living off daddy's money.

they're missing out.
they're bored.
and boring.


i absolutely love reading the horoscopes...so right on.
along with my dream book.
both of which will change your life.
i've been having awesome dreams...
not like for real awesome, but when you find the meaning, they're really pointing in good directions.

i found out the other night, that my heart is open.
i've been waiting.