i love sunny days.

i went to an organ procurement last night...even though i wasn't working, i just was interested.

the story is quite sad.
a girl, 24, had a seizure which caused a brain bleed, and she died...on her birth day.
it really hits home when it's some one so young, who lived their life every day with the same thoughts that i have...it's so sad to think of all the things she didn't do, never experienced, and her family. her family.

lord.

but seeing the beauty of the human body, human spirit, and human life is something beyond words. something beyond anything i could have ever imagined.

overall i feel so grateful to just be here...to be on the other side of that table, not in need of any organs. and it makes everything you've ever worried about, been angry about, or been embarassed about so small.

all our problems are so small.

i'm telling you two things.

1. don't ever be afraid to go after what you want.
2. it's ok if you lose sight of what's important to you...as long as once you get it back you let nothing stop you from taking it.

two more things.

i'm going back to school this year.
NEVER have surgery.

oh over cast skies and sun burnt skin.
i really miss my dog. a lot.

but love the fact that the rain stayed away.
Port Charlotte holds better people for me, i'm sure. maybe it's because i grew up there...

next time we'll have better luck finding a canoe, now we know.
and my family is there.

and the day was still amazing, no dolphins and all.
only every now and then i feel as though i'm without.

i feel like this year keeps getting better and better.

there is one thing i wish i could be over though...

i really want to go camping.
soon.

because i enjoy the fire, marshmallows, the wet dew on the grass in the morning, the way the stars look, and overall spending time with old friends, and familiar drinks. i like the way the water looks, and the frogs sound, the way the wind blows through the trees, even peeing outside all night isn't that bad.

i can't wait.

how 'bout we eat veggies burgers, feel the grass on our feet, and the wind in our hair everyday.

how 'bout we remember how to roller blade like we weren't scared of falling. try to live life like that.

i don't like being a grown up, and would like nothing more than to know how to make it stop.

also, i only ever get hit on by for real straight up Irish men. what is with that. why come to America and hit on an Irish girl what is the point....there is no logic in this world. and that is one of the things i love about it.

coffee, netflix, star lights on a string, finding out dirty secrets, the internet, target, new lighters.

today kinda ruled....
and i wasn't even hung over.
yes.

i love the fact that i didn't get called into work this morning. hopefully today will be like a real day off.

i feel like summer is never coming.
and i don't like it.

i want to see all the trees go back to green, and the beaches go back to full rather than empty...and i want it to be okay to eat ice cream...and i want to feel humidity, and remember what the rain feels like against your bare legs instead of soaking your jeans. and flip flops, and sun screen, and no make up...

i'm waiting.

why is it so hard to find people to trust? i want to ...i'll give you a fair chance. why won't anyone let me do it?

it saddens me when people lack consideration for someone else's feelings, especially someone you call a friend.

signing up for college again. yay to working full time and going to school.

things to do in '09
-new tattoo
-start school
-vegas
-chicago [again]
-get out of debt
-fall in LOVE

if things keep going as planned, [well] i just might die of shock.

Chicago was amazing.
i'm even thinking about moving there, despite the cold, and lack of nature.
i am so blessed to have such a ridiculous, embarrassing, crazy drinking family. they are the best and i couldn't ask for anything else. i used to wish my family were bigger, closer, but now i realize that i couldn't have come from better people...i'm so glad i was chosen to be part of their experience and that they have loved me in return.

saturday night came close to my spring break/summer house party '07 experience. freezing cold rain, random guy peeing in the street, free drinks, dawn falling out of the bar, hitting a parked car, puking all the way home, running [almost] off the road several times, sleeping for three hours. loved it.

100 years old, it literally brings me to tears to tears. i think of how things must have been when grandma johnson came here, and how could she have ever known of the life she was going to create for all of us. it's amazing for a human to live that long, and be such a lovely person with such tremendous spirit. i want to be more like her every day, she is precious.

lately it's been made clear to me what my priorities are and where my heart is. i'm thankful...thankful to know where i am going, who is important and that my choices are worth it.
i love living.
i love 2009.

erin/casey kite day was crazy.
i wish everyday were like that...

the way sand feels on your feet, running until you can't breathe, and laughing so hard you think you're going to pee yourself. the way the ocean smells, and the tourist look. sticks in the sand, pelicans, seaguls, driftwood.

i think there are certain things that people must do everyday.
see dolphins.
hold a baby.
eat chocolate.
sing really loud, until your lungs feel like they're going to explode.
gaze at the sky.
tell only truths, no false promises.
feel inspired.

there are some things i truly feel people need just to thrive...things that make you feel whole, and remind us we can be silly, and teach you how to be happy with what you have. thankful just to be here, to be happy...to have the people we love some how in our lives.

that feeling is the best.