after much turmoil and dismay, i've ended my relationship with tim...wow, three years gone. it's funny though, in the end it was just so much drama and pain that it really hasn't been that hard starting over.

i'm a new home owner, i have a puppy, and i have peace.

there were all kinds of problems as time went on...where to start. well, i'm pretty sure he had some underlying mental health issues that all this stemed from. and i really did try to support him and get him help, therapy, sanity. he was just constantly jealous of everything i did..him seeing me having a good time caused us to fight. he lied, manipulated, and treated me really bad.

really what was i doing. i stayed in that mess far too long, but i guess that was for the better...honestly walking away feels so good. it's like something you can't explain, you don't know until it's you.

as for him...who knows. he came home violent one night after lying to me about what time he was getting off of work...throwing things destryoing my bed room...put his fist through a door and a couple of walls. a mess. that was almost two months ago...aside from him arguing about getting the rest of his stuff, i haven't heard from him.

and i'm glad.

i can do what i want without any thoughts of having to fight over nothing tugging at my brain.

i really hope he gets the help he needs. or whatever it is he needs...but i can't keep bending myself over hoping that it will happen.

hello summer!

i'm just trying to enjoy my life again...being mind blown every time i realize how screwy the whole situation was. life without him is quite enjoyable i must admit.

as much as i hate to see summer go....one of my most favorite months is here, and a new season of joy, family togetherness, and holidays. 2011 is almost over. where does the time go?

2 for 1

heads up; when you feel like your life is in a down ward spiral, tune into jersey shore so you can feel 10x better about yourself. so true, these girls are a mess. (that being said, it's not like i wouldn't party with them).

i hate how the beginning of every year starts out with all these promises, and life-changing-motivational ideas...and by August you give up...well really by April you give up. i think people have such a sunny out look in January because they're just sad/relieved that the holidays are over. and these "goals" just give them something else to focus on...

i have fallen off track for the year. i have not enrolled in school, learned a second language, and can barely play the harmonica. however, i have changed my plans. i need to focus on getting licsenced in MR and CT. which is annoying...you have to teach the material to yourself.

so i have to confess...i took my MRI boards...and i had a panic attack. and i failed, by one point. one fucking point. and now, nine months later, I've yet to get back in the game. i don't know what it is...but every time i think about it the anxiety comes back...and I'm scared to talk to some one about it. after all, i know it's all in my head riiiiiggghhht.

what else about this year that we're nine months into....well, I've been to NYC and Las Vegas with plans of a South Carolina Thanksgiving. the things you do for love. (i don't mind going really, i just like to be dramatic).

other accomplishments thus far for 2011; there is a light at the end of the debt tunnel, planning on a home search in the next couple months, and i will get back on that test machine! I'm a maniac. not to mention the ever lasting cycles of the holidays will be starting up here again shortly.

other than that I've been pretty useless...discovered my new found love of gambling, and i frequent gay bars and drag shows where i dance the night away. it's always good for a few laughs though.

living ain't easy....

i've been in a rut the last couple of weeks...fighting, dirty mouths, stress. yuck. how is it when you do the best you can someone always comes along to bop you down like whack a mole? if it's not one thing, it's another...

how old am i? i am 24 now. i have been 24 for six days. an official grown up....i know that my age isn't old per say, but when you're graduating high school you can't imagine what it's like to be legal drinking age, let alone 24...that's millenniums away. gee. but here i am all grown up, with the intellect of a seven year old at times...what happened to my simple life? and why did no one ever tell me how mean the world was? hello! sometimes i wish i were still little for the sheer fact that people will be nice to you with no reason...

if it isn't one thing, it's another.
dogs are good at listening to these kinds of problems but i don't have one. i only have a stupid computer.

it's been a while.

this new season of life has brought me good fortune...you really must know in your heart that all things happen for a reason. i'm happy with who i am and how i've gotten here.

i'm close to my family, the gulf, and wonderful, wonderful people. so thankful for it all really.

everyday brings new joy. i've missed florida rain, and the sticky, sticky heat.

i'm back.

lately

The summer is coming..practically here.

I want out of Savannah. My crazy job, the hateful people. It seems like everyone i've met here has left, and i think it's probably time for me to move on too. I miss my family, and my friends, and my home town. Tampa sounds good, really good.

Other than that I have so much to be thankful for. Love in my life, a paycheck every now and then. My new discovery of accupuncture, holding new born babies.

I want a hula hoop...but a nice one, not a crappy plastic one.

and i want a dog. very much.

my computer is dead.
like the parts are dead, because it won't turn on.
i'll get a new one soon enough, i'm fine without it. i'd like to still think that technology doesn't have that large of a part in my life, but who am i kidding.

Tim moved in with us.
and we're in love.
i'm happy, so happy.

it's getting warm again, my debt is almost gone, and a goal for this year is to win the lottery!
lol. but we're trying.

2010

finally here.
i'm feeling good about the next twelve months. it's strange to think about the turns life gives you if you look over it for a long period of time.

2009
was great.
job settled, and as much as i dislike it now, i'm financially secure...and in a better place than a lot of the people in this country. and so thankful for that. tim. great family. getting out of debt, and tons of good, crazy, wild times. i am happy with the events of the year, and can't wait to see what is next to come.

the holidays are coming.

and since we aren't moving this year, i'm going to decorate the apartment, yes the tree will be up this winter. pretty lame i'm on call christmas day, and i'm not able to go home...but my mom is coming to town, so that'll be fun.

and work is extremely excellent.
i'm getting an actual for real position....and the person leaving...well we're not exactly sad to see him go. let's just hope that this 30 million dollar budget cut doesn't take my job...for now i am thankful, for now i'm ok.

whooooooooo.

saturday.

laundry and dishes in the am.
work for the afternoon, run around the park.

i am a terrible runner. i wish i were one of those people that run marathon style, like to run just because...because it's fun for them. but i feel like i'm seriously killing my joints or something...and distance running, there is no way! i'd like to join a gym, but the thing is money...if i spend all that money and end up not going it'll piss me off, or if i do go and it's weird i'll never go back...i'm strange about things like that...places filled with people.

i ran and cleared my head.
came home and made food.

i discovered the mango's i bought were bad...so stupid. i'd love to have a good peach or mango right now, but it's kinda sick when you cut it open and the guts are brown. ew.

and it's saturday night and i'm tired...boring. this is what happens when you're on call. i'm not complaining, i like the money. i just feel so domestic these days.

i just love how things are getting better all the time.

for halloween i was a gnome.
and i'm going to NC next weekend to see tim.
currently getting ready to get ready for christmas, for me it's a process.
work. it's getting there.

however, i do not like the cold...especially when there's no one here to keep me warm.

time goes by so, so fast. i hate it...this weekend on call, next week in NC, the following weekend on call, then thanksgiving, then another weekend of call, then only two weeks until christmas. i've been good this year, and i've already got my reward.

tons of hype about this H1N1. at work, if we're not vaccinated we supposedly are going to have to wear a mask all day...i mean big f'n deal, i work in an OR, i'm in a mask 60% of the time that i'm at work...i just don't feel right putting something into my body that 1. is treatable, and 2. we don't know that much about...look at what happened with the garadasil vaccination, and all the recalls on different birth controls and other medications. no thanks. i wouldn't be surprised if all those idiots that shot it up dropped dead in a couple years...after all, it did come from China. plus, the strain has already mutated, so there's really no sense to get it if it's gonna keep changing. i just love the mind set of the hospital threatening to put masks on us...um ok is there going to be a special hole where i can eat my lunch? lol.

what else...

i need to start reading again. i don't know what it is, but the last couple of books i've read i didn't finish, and i just hate when that happens. i'm not sure if i'm too busy or if they just aren't entertaining enough, but it's something that i hope quits happening.

and i have a new found love of tea.
i'm finally starting to feel older...in a good way.

i will be out of debt by april.
my car will be paid off by january 2012.
i will have a new degree by 2013.


these are some of my goals. i'm pretty sure there are other ones, but can't think of them at the moment. i need limits, and i think that when you make deadlines and actually reach them it's really satisfying. plus i'm a super huge dork.

at any rate.
life.

our weekend in hilton head was nice. plus with tim living kinda close it gives me an excuse to get out of this house and go on exciting road trips.

things are good. halloween is almost here and i still have no idea what to be...but that's ok. we're going to the fair, which will be awesome. work is getting better, people are going on vacation and what not so i'll be covering which saves my ass for now. i'm pretty excited to try to move to tampa in the spring...with tim! [or stay in savannah together if that doesn't happen] my aunt's sister is in charge of hiring for an imaging department there, and hopefully will have the job hook up...hopefully something will work out. i miss my family and the beach. we will see.


mine is the one with the mustache.

i.love.fall.

not as much as i love the summer, but it is pretty wonderful.

today i am going to become a volunteer for the humane society, and some other thing called the dolphin project, which i'm pretty excited about. i'm not really sure what i'll be doing there, but it seems like it'll be fun.

Greek festival last night along with where the wild things are. both were not what i was expecting, but fabulous nonetheless...Greek food, it's great, but don't get the potatoes...baklava ice cream, yes.

and today i will be shopping, and cleaning out my car, and buying groceries. the only thing is, what do you buy Casey for his birthday? i'm leaning towards a really huge cake, but other than that i have no idea. he is a real wild child.

north carolina tomorrow....
home monday.
work tuesday.

lameeeeeee.

things are back in order.

and Halloween is coming, with cool weather, Casey's birthday, and all other holidays to follow. plus our lease will be up, which we hope to renew a few extra months, and then tax season....

oh life.

and now, i can finally say that my debt will be gone by march. it's an amazing feeling, and i know it's something super stupid, but i can't even put into words how excited this makes me! i mean, i've been working at it a really long time and the pay off is finally almost here!

at any rate, i'm lame.

so, pumpkins, and movies and baking and tea...plus i'm going to start volunteering at the humane society, and for this dolphin project...and signing up for school.

it's here, all i've talked about wanting to do it and it's here...whoa.

i'm just not sure what to do, because there is this possibility that i may be moving to Tampa...like unless things super perk up at my job, and that place does a 180 and becomes the most enjoyable, magical place on earth, i may be heading to Tampa. here's the thing, stupid st. Joseph's will supposedly work with my school schedule, and give me money to go...

buttttttttttt, i'm pretty sure that Tampa will offer more flexible programs such as night/weekend classes....

oh the decisions.

all in all, things are working out, and this whole year has been wonderful as i predicted!!!

i'm in florida. well, until this afternoon, then i'll be back in savannah.

i'm burnt, loving my dog, and hanging out with friends. sometimes i wish life could be like this always...not worrying about work, and getting that sense of excitement when you haven't seen some one in a really long time. and the beach is open and enjoyable all year.

and then sometimes, it's just all really annoying. and you wonder why the people you're seeing here can't even make the effort to ever come visit...it's pretty un-balanced as far as friendship goes.

hmmmmmmmmm.

thanksgiving in valona.
christmas in port charlotte.
a new year in sav.

who knows.

and tampa. tampa is on the list....

I love and hate the fact that October is almost here. seasons changing, pumpkins and cookies...fall. and not to mention, pumpkin spice flavored everything. I feel like since living here, the summer isn't long enough though...good thing i'll be home in a couple weeks to see the beach.

the job hunt is going...i mean i'm not even sure if i need to hunt anymore. long story, but if Debbie gets the job, things will look up for me. don't get me wrong though, i'm still looking else where...like north and south carolina else where....what ever happens, and where ever i end up is exactly where i'm supposed to be.

things are going to be good though, i just know it.

hmmm.

middle of September. and things are still going alright. i am desperately hoping for some sort of new job, a new job contact, a light at the end of the tunnel....i can barely see it.

oh my. i guess it's just one of those days.

though, i did get to hold a baby. a super cute, wiggly baby, who was extra happy. that was fun.
and i did have a run in with the law, which always gives me a good laugh.

and i'm at one of my favorite places...the library.
and soon enough, i will get to sleep...lots and lots of sleep.

my cousin Dawn and her friend Katie were here today. well they've been here since yesterday.

we spent the day eating wonderful food and walking around Savannah...taking pictures of the moss and squares, enjoying the architecture and cemetery. coffee, and eggs. it was really fun, nice. it's strange when you live in such a beautiful place full time you start to take it for granted. -i'm sorry Savannah, you are something to get excited about.

it's just another reminder to be thankful for what you have. even the simple things.

i'm loving this weather.
though it always shocks me when summer ends so suddenly.

it's a lovely day though.
and tomorrow will be nice as well.


and all this, makes me not want to find a job.