after much turmoil and dismay, i've ended my relationship with tim...wow, three years gone. it's funny though, in the end it was just so much drama and pain that it really hasn't been that hard starting over.

i'm a new home owner, i have a puppy, and i have peace.

there were all kinds of problems as time went on...where to start. well, i'm pretty sure he had some underlying mental health issues that all this stemed from. and i really did try to support him and get him help, therapy, sanity. he was just constantly jealous of everything i did..him seeing me having a good time caused us to fight. he lied, manipulated, and treated me really bad.

really what was i doing. i stayed in that mess far too long, but i guess that was for the better...honestly walking away feels so good. it's like something you can't explain, you don't know until it's you.

as for him...who knows. he came home violent one night after lying to me about what time he was getting off of work...throwing things destryoing my bed room...put his fist through a door and a couple of walls. a mess. that was almost two months ago...aside from him arguing about getting the rest of his stuff, i haven't heard from him.

and i'm glad.

i can do what i want without any thoughts of having to fight over nothing tugging at my brain.

i really hope he gets the help he needs. or whatever it is he needs...but i can't keep bending myself over hoping that it will happen.

hello summer!

i'm just trying to enjoy my life again...being mind blown every time i realize how screwy the whole situation was. life without him is quite enjoyable i must admit.

as much as i hate to see summer go....one of my most favorite months is here, and a new season of joy, family togetherness, and holidays. 2011 is almost over. where does the time go?

2 for 1

heads up; when you feel like your life is in a down ward spiral, tune into jersey shore so you can feel 10x better about yourself. so true, these girls are a mess. (that being said, it's not like i wouldn't party with them).

i hate how the beginning of every year starts out with all these promises, and life-changing-motivational ideas...and by August you give up...well really by April you give up. i think people have such a sunny out look in January because they're just sad/relieved that the holidays are over. and these "goals" just give them something else to focus on...

i have fallen off track for the year. i have not enrolled in school, learned a second language, and can barely play the harmonica. however, i have changed my plans. i need to focus on getting licsenced in MR and CT. which is annoying...you have to teach the material to yourself.

so i have to confess...i took my MRI boards...and i had a panic attack. and i failed, by one point. one fucking point. and now, nine months later, I've yet to get back in the game. i don't know what it is...but every time i think about it the anxiety comes back...and I'm scared to talk to some one about it. after all, i know it's all in my head riiiiiggghhht.

what else about this year that we're nine months into....well, I've been to NYC and Las Vegas with plans of a South Carolina Thanksgiving. the things you do for love. (i don't mind going really, i just like to be dramatic).

other accomplishments thus far for 2011; there is a light at the end of the debt tunnel, planning on a home search in the next couple months, and i will get back on that test machine! I'm a maniac. not to mention the ever lasting cycles of the holidays will be starting up here again shortly.

other than that I've been pretty useless...discovered my new found love of gambling, and i frequent gay bars and drag shows where i dance the night away. it's always good for a few laughs though.

living ain't easy....

i've been in a rut the last couple of weeks...fighting, dirty mouths, stress. yuck. how is it when you do the best you can someone always comes along to bop you down like whack a mole? if it's not one thing, it's another...

how old am i? i am 24 now. i have been 24 for six days. an official grown up....i know that my age isn't old per say, but when you're graduating high school you can't imagine what it's like to be legal drinking age, let alone 24...that's millenniums away. gee. but here i am all grown up, with the intellect of a seven year old at times...what happened to my simple life? and why did no one ever tell me how mean the world was? hello! sometimes i wish i were still little for the sheer fact that people will be nice to you with no reason...

if it isn't one thing, it's another.
dogs are good at listening to these kinds of problems but i don't have one. i only have a stupid computer.

it's been a while.

this new season of life has brought me good fortune...you really must know in your heart that all things happen for a reason. i'm happy with who i am and how i've gotten here.

i'm close to my family, the gulf, and wonderful, wonderful people. so thankful for it all really.

everyday brings new joy. i've missed florida rain, and the sticky, sticky heat.

i'm back.

lately

The summer is coming..practically here.

I want out of Savannah. My crazy job, the hateful people. It seems like everyone i've met here has left, and i think it's probably time for me to move on too. I miss my family, and my friends, and my home town. Tampa sounds good, really good.

Other than that I have so much to be thankful for. Love in my life, a paycheck every now and then. My new discovery of accupuncture, holding new born babies.

I want a hula hoop...but a nice one, not a crappy plastic one.

and i want a dog. very much.